Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Things I hate about yoga: a 65 part series

One of my favourite ecards of all time. Soz if it offends. 

I have tried to hold my hatred in but I just caaaaan't any more. I don't go to yoga to get all zen and chilled and divine but a little bit would be nice. Are you still doing yoga if you want to go from downward dog to kicking the person next to me in the ear? Will I never be able to live in Byron Bay if yoga increases my blood pressure?

Allow me this self indulgent whinge because I can't hold it in any more. Or don't. I'm enlightened enough to allow you that choice. 
  • close yoga-ers. This may be my own personal space issues, but during an activity where you're kicking heels, jumping into positions, hanging upside down, do you really want to be able to see the hairs up someone else's nose? I am one of those annoying people that like to be in the same spot in classes, if not, no biggie, but if I'm there in time of course I'll claim it. On the weekend I was in my spot, next to the wall, and this couple plonked their mats behind mind and HERS WAS TOUCHING MINE. There was heaps of spare room elsewhere, why were our mats so intimate? What would you do? Move your mat or huff your way through the class?
  • broga goers. You know the ones, their footy coach has told them to go to a yoga class, so they come and annoy everyone else. Or just me. They giggle and snort their way through the class, always absolutely needing to stay in eye contact, and probably making fart comments at some stage. They elbow each other when a hot chick walks past, or worse, an old hippy looking dude. Don't be jelly that old dude can Bakasana like the best of them and you can't touch your toes....
  • competitive, speed ahead show offs. Typically middle aged women in lots of Lululemon or Lorna Jane. Generalising? Yep. The ones who have to show off their yoga knowledge by skipping ahead poses, usually getting them wrong (or does the teacher change them on purpose? Good). We get it, you're the best at yoga EVER!
  • Late comers. Actually this goes for every class. I remember there used to be a rule where if you got past the first song (or something) you couldn't come in. The last pump class I went to some chick came in throwing weights around and running to get things in the middle of the third song. Not acceptable. So annoying just getting into your groove and some huffer comes charging in
Ok enough complaining from me, I really felt the need to get this off my chest. Inhale, exhale....


  1. Ahahahaha this cracked me up I love it!! Can totally identify with all of these xx

  2. HILARIOUS! And so bloody true. When In Yoga, why would you even want to get as close to someone other than yourself? People be weird. I think the "Competitive Speed show offs" make the top of my list. Lol

    - KK



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